C.R.A.S.H. Communication

Leadership, the ability to influence people, requires a number of skills.  How do I influence people, you ask?  Start by working on the relationships with those you lead, follow, and work with.  Relationships are like plants, they must constantly be cultivated.  Some plants do not require sunlight, but all of them need water to grow.  Communication with the people we lead is like water to a plant, without it the relationship will shrivel and die.

If you want to be a better leader, work on your communication skills.  Communication, while appearing simple, is a complex topic.

“The single biggest problem with communication

 is the illusion it has taken place.”

Georg Bernard Shaw

I am about to give you a tool, the C.R.A.S.H. Model, that will help your communication.  It is a simple acronym to remember but goes deeper into the process.  I envisioned its primary use for a conversation between you, as the leader, and someone who works for you.  In fact, it can be used to enhance your communication with anyone.  C.R.A.S.H. stands for Congruence, Respect, Active-listening, Self-awareness, and Honesty.  Let’s take a brief look at each component.

Congruence means matching your words to your actions.  If you are addressing one of your employees about their tardiness, but you are known for arriving to work late your words will not match your actions.  At a minimum, the employee will start to hear the “Wah, wah, wah” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ss2hULhXf04) sounds the adults made in the old Charlie Brown cartoons (I’ve included a link for any millennials who might be wondering what I’m talking about).  More likely, they will point out the incongruence and ask you something along the lines of, “What gives you the right to say that to me when you are always late?!”

This one can be a big challenge to some leaders.  It has to do with character.  The problem is you can’t just be a “good” leader when it is convenient.  To borrow an overused phrase, you must walk the walk all day, every day.

Respect should be shown during any conversation.  You might believe, with the deepest fiber of your being, that the other person is wrong.  Give them a chance to speak.  Don’t stop there, actually listen to them.

Part of being respectful means understanding their opinion and viewpoint.  Ask them questions. When they answer, respect their opinion.  Clarify any answers you are not clear on. If they offer a suggestion, plan, or alternative, can you act on it?   The more you differ with them the more important showing respect becomes.  I have seen people fired in a respectful manner.  At the end of the conversation the person being fired even said, “Thank you.”

One last observation about respect.  The more you show respect for others, especially those who work for you, the more respect you tend to earn from them.

Active-listening is a learned skill that increases the ability to make sense of what is heard.  It is easier said than done because it requires you to focus all of your efforts on listening to the other person.  The first thing you must do is turn off the radio, specifically your inner radio.  You see we are all tuned into station WIIFM, “What’s In It For Me?”  When you listen actively, it is not about you, it is about them.

To minimize exterior distractions, there are a few more things to do.  Turn your cell-phone to silent.  Notice I used the word “silent” not “vibrate.”  A phone on vibrate mode is still a distraction.  If you are in your office turn off your computer or at least turn off the monitor and any notification sounds.  Don’t minimize these things. People notice when they are speaking to you and your attention is taken away from them with every email notification chime that comes from your computer.  I encourage you to let the other person know you are making every effort to focus your attention on them (another way to show Respect).

When you listen actively, you are truly trying to understand what the other person is conveying to you.  Don’t attempt to formulate a response yourself.    This alone will take practice. Ever interrupted someone, mid-sentence, just to make a point?  I know I have.  I struggle with this one daily.

Use minimal encouragers such as “Yes”, “OK, “Um hum”, “Go on”, and “Tell me more.” Ask open-ended questions.  Remember, your goal is to get them to do most of the talking.  When you think you understand what they are saying use the power of the paraphrase.  It sounds like this, “So what you are saying is…” or “I want to ensure I am understanding what you are saying…”

Self-Awareness is equally important as a leader’s communication skills.  This is also a primary skill under the construct of emotional intelligence.  Are you a good communicator?  A good listener? How do you know?  Ever asked?

Some leaders are afraid to or choose not to ask these questions.  They know they lack skills/abilities in these areas and decide to stick their heads in the sand.  Often, they hide behind the keyboard, sending dozens of emails a day.  Effective communicator? Probably not.  Self-aware? Yup.

Others think they are above-average communicators.  They don’t bother to ask the questions because they don’t feel the need to.  Their heads are so far in the clouds they cannot see the difference in how they perceive themselves (excellent communicator) and how those around them view them (lacking communication skills).  Effective communicator? Probably not.
Self-aware?  Nope.

If you don’t fall into one of the above categories you might be in this last group.  Third are those leaders, both good and bad, who truly want to know how their people view them. These leaders are either already self-aware or want to be.

So how do you start to increase your self-awareness?  Ask for feedback.  Have a conversation with people close to you.  Ask them about your communication skills?  Use some of the active- listening strategies above and then listen.  Don’t argue with them, listen to what they have to say.  When they are finished, thank them.  That’s right, the most appropriate way to respond to someone, after you have asked them for feedback, is to say, “Thank you.”

Honesty is another word that sounds easy.  If asked, “Are you honest when you communicate?”, most leaders would say “Of course.” Are you? Really? Always? Sometimes? Ever written a performance review for one of your employees?  Where you 100% honest on it or did you exaggerate a few good points and minimize a few deficiencies to spare their feelings? I know I have.

Please don’t get me wrong.  I am not saying that you need to be uncaring, nasty, or mean when you communicate.  Telling someone, “You really screwed up on that project” might be honest, but how helpful is it?  Did you hear a little blame, a little condescension in those 7 words? An honest, but also respectful approach might sound like this, “Pat, the project objectives were not met and we came $2,000 over budget.  I feel you did not perform up to your full potential and, quite frankly, feel let down.”

Good leaders care about and value other people. Because of this, we tend to temper our messages in order to spare the feelings of others.

My hope is that the C.R.A.S.H. Model will help you improve your communication.  If this post added value to you please let me know by leaving a comment below.  

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